My mind is like a movie theater without walls. One happy scene is playing out in one corner, a serious dialogue is happening in a different corner, and the Lord of the Rings battle music threatens to drown everything out. It’s a bit noisy up there.

As someone who lives in her mind, as opposed to my body or soul, quieting my inner dialogue and pausing my running task list a challenge.

My inner dialogue can pull me out of being present, diluting whatever scene is right in front of me.

This gets me into trouble.

When my husband finishes a story, for instance, and then looks at me and says, “Are you there?”, I know my mind has drowned out what he was saying. This behavior doesn’t reflect my love for him and places unnecessary strain on our relationship.

My ability to analyze and strategize are strengths I’m proud of, but when it detracts from connecting with others, I know I need to reign it in.

Mission: Be Present

This summer, I decided to make being present a priority. With a new job, being my sister’s matron of honor, a full client load, and volunteer obligations, I found my task list was frequently pulling me out of the present moment.

I needed to somehow calm my monkey brain when I was with friends and family, and to tune in to my soul and body.

Taking on this “be present” mission wasn’t easy. It necessitated pausing other goals — like this blog and B-School — so I could open up mental capacity and time to focus on my new goal of being present.

There were times when I felt I was letting myself down by letting projects I was excited about sit idle. By pausing this blog, I felt like I was breaking a promise to you and to myself. By pausing B-School, I truly felt like I had failed this goal. I had to give myself permission to let these go for a few months. I had to talk myself through this decision more than once and give myself permission to let these projects go for a few months. And, I had to talk this through with my husband multiple times, and he had to remind me multiple times to give myself permission to re-prioritize. There were tears on more than one occasion…

That being said, I made the right decision. We only have one life and we might as well be present for it.

What Does it Mean to Be Present?

I’ve come to define being present as quieting the inner distractions and accepting and engaging with the current circumstances.

What does this look like? If you’re with people you love, you’re actively listening, engaging in conversation, and putting your personal agenda on pause. If you’re exercising and your body is telling you to take it easy, it’s adjusting your plan.

We also feel being present. Time seems to stop. I noticed my body physically relaxing. And, I’m going to sound woo-woo here, but I felt my soul opening up to other people and nature.

When I quieted my inner chatter, my other senses were amplified. What was in front of me became more vivid and I noticed different scents, tastes, and sounds.

On a hike up South Sister, for instance, I had a heightened awareness of the changing light and temperature as early morning morphed into the afternoon. I watched the shadows of clouds dance along the surrounding hills, and felt the sun penetrate my bones. I noticed new bird calls and how the dirt changed beneath my feet.

I would have noticed these things regardless. But, with a “be present” attitude, I immediately felt the joy welling inside of me as I trudged up the mountain.

But, I also found that deciding to be present wasn’t like flipping a switch. I continually caught myself getting pulled away by my thoughts and would have to bring myself back into the present moment.
Why Being Present is Important
Being present communicates love to yourself and others.

When we’re not present, or we focus on what’s going wrong, we invite stress into our lives. Not exactly self-love.

By fully engaging with a person and/or accepting a scenario, we can better connect and be more self-aware. Overall, this can improve our mental health and satisfaction with life.

How to Be Present

This all sounds great, but in a world of constant beeps and alerts, staying present is a real struggle that necessitates conscious effort. These are some tactics that have helped me.

Plan to be present

As I was working through how to be present, I kept coming to a snag. How can I be present but also plan? Can these two things co-exist?

You know how sometimes the world seems to give you exactly what you need? Well, that happened in the form of a MarieTV episode. She perfectly sums up the balance of being present and planning. I suggest watching the episode (just embrace the silliness), but here are key takeaways.

“A lack of planning can take you out of the moment because your mind keeps going to the future and worrying about what you haven’t taken care of and how you may have to deal with it.”

“Planning consciously for the future is one of the best tools to stay grounded in the present.”

Actively listen to understand, not to respond

Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, just listen to what someone is telling you. This is more challenging than it sounds.

“If you want to be interesting, be interested.” – Dale Carnegie

Enter a scenario by asking yourself, “What is the feeling I want to have?”

This question, inspired by Brendon Burchard’s book, helped me enter a present state of mind. I didn’t want to feel distracted and stressed, so I thought about how I could feel alive and engaged with whatever was happening.

Turn off (most) notifications

Depending on your responsibilities, you may need to keep some notifications on, but anything that doesn’t require an immediate response should be turned off.

You can wait until you open the app to check how many likes you received. Social media alerts, news blasts, email notifications, etc. should not be constantly interrupting your life.

Give yourself permission to put things on pause

As I mentioned before, one of my biggest barriers to being present was having too much on my plate. This summer, I had to say no to some projects in order to say yes to connecting with the people and places I love.

I felt like I was letting myself down and questioned if I would ever restart these projects.

In reality, these doubts were sill. I had made the commitments and I wanted to fulfill them. In fact, I love working on them. I took a long-term view and constantly reminded myself that a two-and-half month break wasn’t going to throw my career or my life off course.

Moments of Being Present

Over these past few months, I’ve come to find the moments I felt truly present were the moments I felt most alive.

It was being emotionally connected and feeling grateful, while the scene unfolded.

It was being on a hike, and despite feeling physically fatigued, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

It was watching my sister get married to her best friend and feeling my heart fill with love.

It was spending the weekend with my family and the hours blurring together.

These events would’ve happened despite my efforts to be present and I have no way to tell how I would have experienced them differently. But, I am confident that my “be present” goal helped me engage and connect on a deeper level.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

How you try to stay present? Is there something you could put on pause to be more present?