24 Things About Me

I’ve been writing more lately. For myself. With no goal other than to put pen to page. 

To do so, I’ve been following a practice called Wild Writing. I was introduced to this method by Lauren Fleshman at a Wilder Retreat in 2018. I’ve picked it back up under the guidance of author Laurie Wagner. 

The main premise of Wild Writing is to write freely from a prompt for 15 minutes. Often these prompts are pulled from poems. The idea is to tune out the inner critic, tune in to what comes up, “write as poorly as possible” and never have the pen leave the page. 

Here’s an edited version of one of my wild writes.

24 Things About Me

1. I’ve always been an old soul. It’s Sunday morning and I’m writing at Susan’s Garden and Coffee Shop. I’m the youngest person here by at least 30 years. 
2. I’ve always dreamed about traveling the world and writing about what I learn and the people I meet. 
3. But then, I’ve also always dreamed of a cozy life that is steady and predictable. I want both. I think both can exist. Maybe this is the Gemini in me if you subscribe to that sort of thing. 
4. I’m going to plant a flower garden this year. 
5. Sometimes I wonder if any of it matters. The gardening. The decorating. The organizing. But then I remember joy matters. 
6. I’m recovering from compulsive exercise. I meet with my therapist weekly and a registered dietitian every other week.
7. My therapist once said I remind her of a fenced-in stallion. Pounding the ground. Pent up. Ready to bolt. That used to be true. I don’t feel that tension anymore. At least not regularly and to the same extent. I want to jump over the fence, get off the race track and discover what is beyond. 
8. I have a hard time giving myself alone time when it isn’t to exercise. 
9. I want to start running again. Is it possible to form a different relationship with running? One that taps into freedom, and leaves behind compulsiveness.
10. I’m really scared of my parents dying. Of Eliah not growing old. Of Kyler having a major mountain biking accident.
11. People think I’m judgy, but really I’m just a quiet observer taking it all in. 
12. Sometimes I wonder why I’m doing this whole writing thing. 
13. I loved to read and write as a child. As I spoke, my Dad typed out my stories on our black and white Mac computer. 
14. I’m rediscovering my love of reading and writing.
15. I wonder what Eliah will love. 
16. I’m feeling distracted. The list of tasks tugging at me. Pulling me away. The tide changing. 
17. I’m leaning into exploring my own shadow. I don’t even know what that means yet. 
18. I feel things deeply. Other’s pain and heartache. The future of our planet. Families separated at the border. Ukrainian women taking shelter with their babies. The pregnant woman who was carried out of a bombed hospital on a stretcher. It hurts so much. 
19. I long for real conversations and connections, but that means showing up without a mask. 
20. Ugh! All of this feels really heavy. 
21. We want to have another child, but I don’t feel ready to be pregnant again. 
22. The other day, I exclaimed to Kyler, “I love our life!” And I do. 
23. Kyler and I are in couples therapy. It’s been good for us. 
24. I’ve been feeling a strange and welcome sense of optimism lately.